No, not that kind…. I finally received some letters from the hospital to tell me that my surgery will be on the 9th of October 2014. That’s around 2 months away. I’ve been waiting for a definite date but I wasn’t prepared to feel the way I did. Suddenly, it hit me that I’m going to have major surgery again. I’ll be poked and prodded with needles, drugged up to my eyeballs, going through a lot of pain…..
It doesn’t sound pleasant but it seems like the only option right now.
Let me rewind a bit.
The UC (ulcerative colitis) has been getting more and more aggressive. At times, I’ve sat down and cried because once again, I didn’t manage to get to the loo in time. It’s a horrible, humiliating time. It’s also a defining moment. I can never forget the first time it happened. Nothing could have prepared me for it. And it doesn’t get any better.
We recently had our house renovated and had THREE bathrooms built because of my ‘problem’. It’s affected the whole family. Before we moved here, we were living in a house with one bathroom. Everyone learnt to have super-quick showers… And it was all because of me. There were times when my one of my brothers would just throw their clothes on and run out of the shower, shampoo dripping off his head, because I’d knocked on the door and just couldn’t wait. After a few minutes to half an hour, I’d walk out and he’d step in. And the whole process would be repeated because I needed to go again. They’ve been so patient and understanding. I need to remember that when they start their annoying antics…
Alhamdulillah it’s MUCH better since I got my ileostomy, but I’m still having urgency and bleeding and the drugs have stopped working. So the doctors decided that I needed a proctectomy, which means that my surgeon will remove the remaining couple of inches of large intestine (colon), as well as the rectum, sphincter muscles and anus and sew it up.
It’s as risky as it sounds, and then some. Thankfully it will be keyhole surgery. Open surgery sounds much scarier! Keyhole or laparoscopic surgery is done through several small incisions rather than a large one. Special instruments are used and the surgeon performs the operation by viewing the television monitor.
One thing they keep mentioning is the risk of infertility. The rectum is very close to the vaginal walls and reproductive organs so there’s a chance of some damage occurring. They usually wait until someone has had children before attempting this surgery but obviously we can’t wait much longer.
For a while, this was a very terrifying thought. It’s not like I can quickly pop a sprog or two and then rush to have surgery! For one thing, I’m not married and in Islam, there’s no sprog-popping before marriage.
And now, it doesn’t seem too scary anymore. I know that Allah will do what’s best. He won’t abandon me. Allah doesn’t burden a soul more than it can bear.. If Allah is sending me these tests, it means that He knows I can handle it.
Alhamdulillah there’s always a solution. Long before I knew about this surgery, I wanted to adopt a baby one day. I think it’s one of the best things anyone can do. I know it’s challenging but ultimately, it’s worth it.
So even if things do go a bit wrong, it’s all part of Allah’s plan and once I’m better, I can get the adoption process rolling inshaAllah. For those who are wondering – if everything goes to plan, I’d still go ahead with this.
So I’ve been preparing myself physically, emotionally and mentally. Last year, I went smiling into theatre because I knew that my life was in Allah’s hands and He would help me. I hope it’ll be the same in 6 weeks time inshaAllah. I feel that it’s my religion and Emaan which helps me get through the darkest days. My friends are pretty amazing too – thank you for always being there and listening to me whinge and moan whenever I’m having a bad day! You know who you are.
Please remember me in your prayers if you can.
As always, feel free to drop me a line!