Infliximab hangover and thoughts on patience…

I’ve come to expect this on the 2nd day of infusions but it doesn’t make it any easier!
It’s 4 PM already and this is how my day’s been so far:

7 AM: ignore alarm. Back to sleep.
10 AM: hear alarm. Start to drift back into the land of nod… Remember that I need breakfast. Wash my face. Zombie walk downstairs. Eat a banana. Eat a pear. Drink water. Pick up another pear in case I feel hungry later on and don’t have the energy to come downstairs. Zombie walk upstairs. Growl at anyone who dares speak to me. Back to bed. Sleep.
2.00 PM: wake up. Wonder if I should bother getting out of bed. Still feeling shattered. Feeling hungry. Get out of bed. Wash. Contact lenses in. Tell myself I’m now ready for the day ahead! Discover some mushrooms in the fridge which need using up. Search for recipe using said mushrooms. Find 25 suitable recipes. Read each one. Go back to the first one I saw. Cook food. Eat. Tell family to help themselves. Back to my bedroom.

Did I mention that I’ll regret exercising yesterday? Well, I do. I’m amazed at my own stupidity sometimes.

But on a MUCH more positive note, an achey, hurty body = expiation of sins and a means of great reward. Alhamdulillah! Who wouldn’t be pleased with that?
As Muslims we believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we can’t see it at the time. An illness or disability is not a ‘punishment’, rather it’s a means of great reward. Allah constantly reminds us: ‘surely, Allah is with the patient ones.’ It is a way of drawing closer to our Creator, focusing on Him and recognising the many blessings He has favoured us with while realising our own limited capability as human beings. Truly, everything happens according to the Will of Allah. If one of our organs were to fail, who has the power to make it work again, besides Allah? If Allah decides Khair (good) for someone, no one can take it away.
All medicines have stopped working for me, my eye consultants are asking me to go on the list for a corneal transplant (which I keep putting off – one thing at a time!) but I know that this is part of Allah’s plan… Therefore it’s for the best. There is a reason, though I may not be able to see it yet. This is patience. Patience doesn’t mean that we stop feeling, stop seeing, stop being human and grin at everything we see. It means we trust in Allah despite the pain, despite the difficulties. We don’t lose hope in Him.

Alongside knowing that Allah has power over everything, we don’t stop praying or asking for a cure. And we truly believe that the cure WILL be found one day as we find in the Ahadith:
Narrated Abu Hurairah (radi Allahu anhu) that the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “There is no disease that Allah has sent down except that He also has sent down its treatment.” (Sahih Bukhari)

There were many illnesses which seemed ‘incurable’ at certain points in history. Science is always advancing, new research is being done and each step takes us closer to a cure. Yet we also know that medicines and cures can only work with Allah’s permission.

This is hope. Where would we be without it?


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