Well here goes Draft Number Three.. I hope this one gets published because my other two (admittedly dismal) efforts are lounging around somewhere in cyberspace.
I did have it all planned out. I was going to write a bit every day after my surgery and by December, I’d have at least two posts up. It was supposed to be easy, my surgery was around 6 weeks ago. But I hadn’t counted on the drugs or the emotions or indeed life, which has a habit of getting in the way.
So here I am. Minus a rectum, which I happened to be in possession of the last time I wrote on here. My rectum has been removed, studied and probably incinerated to within an inch of its 25-year life. I can’t say I’m sorry to see it go. I’m GLAD the little bugger is finally out. If you’ve been following the blog, you’ll know that I have ulcerative colitis and my rectum was causing huge amounts of pain, discomfort, fatigue, bleeding and general moodiness. Although the moodiness might just have been me.. It definitely made it worse though. So goodbye and good riddance.
I am also the proud owner of a Barbie Butt (chortle). As in, it’s all sewn up and my bag is permanent. Go me!
I should go back a bit.
I’m told the op itself went as planned. I had it on the 23rd October and it was robot-assisted keyhole surgery, lasting seven hours. The surgeons made 5 small cuts on my abdomen, leaving my stoma exactly where it was and went into the er… Into my belly. Somehow they grabbed the end of my colon (large intestine) and rectum and cut them out. I’m sure there was a lot more finesse involved than what I’m projecting. Now there are a lot of nerves attached to the rectum so the op was risky. I’m told it could have affected bladder function and even fertility, which is why my surgeon put it off as long as possible.
So.. They then removed the anus and sphincter muscles and sewed me up. Using huge SHARP plasticky blue stitches. Looks like they might’ve used fishing wire. Not sure if they’re allowed to do that though.
I felt GREAT right after surgery. Absolutely fantastic. I was laughing and joking, and telling everyone how wonderful everything was.. And how very easy this recovery was going to be! Famous last words…
I was drugged up to my eyeballs so of course everything felt lovely at that time. I distinctly remember calling a nurse and asking her why the other ladies in the room had ‘all those cool machines with the beeping noises and flashing lights’. I remember feeling quite left out, until she assured me that I had them too. That made me feel a LOT better 😀
By Day 5, I was crying in pain and just wanted to stop hurting. I told my brother he should NEVER have his butt sewn up, while trying not to scream in pain. He just looked at me and said: ‘er… I wasn’t planning to’. Humph. Well.
I had a drain put into me to help my insides heal. I was told that there was a rather large cavity where my colon/rectum used to be so they’d only remove the drain once it was clear. The drain was a thick clear tube going into the top of my leg, all the way inside. It didn’t hurt much, until I managed to tangle it into my nightie and… The pain. OHMYGOODGOD THE PAIN. Just imagine having a part of you slashed and poked with many sharp knives, then having a burning flame inserted for good measure. It was worse than that… and continued for a few days. The only thing keeping me going was the constant thought that it’s a means of reward and an expiation of sins. And that this is a test.. I can’t fail. I tried to be as strong as I could.
Alhamdulillah it got easier and I was allowed home on the 10th day. So much for the Enhanced Recovery Program and being told that I’d be home after 5-7 days lol. It doesn’t seem to work with me.
The hospital has made a huge error in that they’ve failed to inform my GP or the district nurses that my stitches needed to be taken out. The ones are my tummy are dissolvable, the ones at the back aren’t.
I called the district nurses myself and they managed to get 5 stitches out before I had a panic attack, so the other six have been left in. Bearing in mind that they shouldn’t be in longer than two weeks… I know I need to call the hospital but I’ve been such a wuss. Maybe I’ll do it later. I know they’ll have to come to come out eventually and I’m just risking infection… Eeeeek! I’ll call them when the office opens in a few hours. I’m just so scared of it hurting the way it did. I’ll need to ask for sedation.
One of the main reasons I’ve been AWOL is because I’ve been highly dependant on morphine and Tramadol to help me get through each day. And as some of you will be aware, they’re not known for helping anyone form coherent thoughts. Basically, I’ve been stoned. Really, really high. Incapable of coherent speech or actions. But I’ve come off the morphine now Alhamdulillah and (accidentally) ran out of Tramadol. It hasn’t been easy but my head feels clear. It hurts more than I thought it would at this stage. I can sit down now but not for long.
I was listening to Quranic recitation earlier and really feeling it. I realised it’s the first time I’ve felt alive in ages. With the drugs, everything’s numbed and a sort of pale reflection of itself.
That’s when I had the thought about updating this blog, so here I am! I do apologise if I’m not making any sense whatsoever. I’ve had a high temperature for a few days and my brain still hasn’t fully recovered. Feeling quite dizzy a lot of the time.
I think that’s enough writing for now, I’m exhausted!
As always, feel free to get in touch. I love receiving feedback 🙂
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