Rosie’s Second Stomaversary!

Woohooo it’s my second Stomaversary today! I love celebrating this day, it’s such a happy time. It reminds me of how strong I am and what I’ve been through… But before I go on, let me explain a bit:

This time two years ago, my surgeon was getting a good look at my insides.. He then removed over 6 feet of bowel in a 6-hour operation. He created my beautiful stoma, Rosie. She’s a bit shy so I won’t put any pics here 😉
Regrets? None. Except maybe the mashed potato I had a few days after surgery and my remaining bowel went into spasm, refusing to take in anything else for the next few days!

Alhamdulillah I went in smiling for surgery.. I knew this was my destiny and that I wouldn’t be let down. Whatever happens is with the will of Allah.
And.. The past two years have shown me the people who truly care, and those who pretend to. It’s taught me that for every one person who tries to make things difficult, Allah has placed 5 into my life more who do care. May Allah reward you all and keep you on the Straight Path. I pray that we all meet in Jannah. Ameen. ❤️
We are survivors, not quitters. Life may knock us about, but ultimately what matters is that we pick ourselves up and try again. If not today, then tomorrow. Above all remembering that NOTHING can happen unless Allah wills it to.

It’s been a roller coaster of a ride but I’m thankful for it every day. I’ve been reflecting on the past two years and realising the lessons I’ve learned, sacrifices I’ve made, friendships I’ve been blessed with and tests I’ve had to endure.

Before I go into all that, I’d like to say that not for one moment do I regret my decision to have the surgery. Yes I’m not back to the good health I was in before I was diagnosed with IBD but even if I could go back and change everything, I wouldn’t. I’ve learnt so many things, I am now appreciating every single day more than I ever did before, because I know that good times can be fleeting. I’m not waiting until a certain point in life so that I may be happier at that moment, I’m aiming to be happy now. Who knows if that far-away moment so many spend entire lifetimes searching for will ever come?

We plan, and we plan, and we plan but ultimately our lives are in the power of Allah. The sooner we start to realise that, the easier things become. The difficult tests we’re going through become easier to bear because we know that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. These tests are sent to purify us, to cleanse us of our sins and to elevate our rank, just as gold ore is heated so the scum can be removed and the shining gold we know and recognise is then revealed.

Reflecting back over the past two years, it’s sometimes overwhelming. At the outset, it seems that these 24 months have been chock a block with hospital appointments, being poked and prodded with needles and tubes, my veins giving up on me and being poked and prodded again, painful blood transfusions and iron infusions, being pumped full of mouse juice, going under the surgeons knife to have my entire large intestine removed, trialling weird and wonderful drugs which caused awful side effects, not being able to look at my stoma for a whole week after surgery, coming to terms with it all, realising that I still needed another operation a year later, being in constant pain for months, having another 7 hour operation to remove more bits of me and having my bag made permanent and once I thought I was nearly better, I had huge problems with my vision as well as battling severe depression which makes it difficult to leave the house or socialise at times… I could go on. Test after test.

I suppose I could focus on all this and weep. Yes, it was difficult. It sapped my strength. I’ve been at rock bottom more than once, I’ve started having panic attacks and my body will never be the same again. It’s taken its toll on my family and friends who’ve been there for me throughout and never once complained.

But what would be the point in weeping? What’s happened has happened. It was all decided by Allah. And I know for sure that if He decides something, it’s for the best. After all, He created us.

If I give in to the negative thoughts, I’ve let IBD win. And we can’t have that! Thus, I try to focus on the positives. And there are many.

This period of patience has changed me as a person. I’m much more grateful for the blessings. I realise Allah’s mercy upon me. I’ve been given another chance to live and I intend to make the most of it. I’ve become a stronger person. I may not have been battling a physical demon but I won’t ignore all the times I was so close to giving up but I held on by a shred of hope, hope that my Lord won’t abandon me. The pain has been excruciating and at times I didn’t know how long I’d survive it but it’s all adding up and none of my tears and pain will be wasted.

I’ve let go of negative people and I don’t regret it at all. I feel I have more empathy. I’ve learnt to prioritise problems and I’m able to let go of the smaller things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I’m so grateful for the wonderful NHS. We’ve had issues but I’m so, so glad that we have fantastic free healthcare in this country, one of the best in the world. I’m grateful to be treated at a world class hospital under the best surgeons. Alhamdulillah.

Mostly, I’m glad I’m still smiling and I haven’t let it take over. I try my best each day, I’m now back at the Masjid and I hope to start classes soon inshaAllah. I’ve seen people who have no hope, nothing to live for, no reason to smile and it makes me realise how blessed I am. I’ve been through a lot but I’m not going to let it wear me down. I’ll keep fighting.

And cake… Lots of cake. I’ve had cake whenever I was in hospital and when I came home. I baked on my good days. I’ve had so many get well soon cakes (keep them coming, lovely people, I really don’t mind 😛 ) that’s definitely a positive!

I have a lot of mixed feelings today. There’s happiness that I’ve come this far. I need to keep reminding myself that it’s no small feat. Dealing with everything the way I have is pretty freakin awesome. That much I’m starting to see!

I’m also emotional for the same reasons. I read a quote some time ago: “I never knew how strong I was until being strong was the only choice I had.” Very true. i never thought my life would take this path but I’m glad it has.

Now the only thing to do is take a deep breath, congratulate myself and wait for my Stomaversary cake which should be arriving soon!

As always, feel free to get in touch or pop over to my Facebook page and say hi!

I’m also on Instagram @gutlessninja

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7 thoughts on “Rosie’s Second Stomaversary!

  1. Subhan Allah! “Take it easy on everyone you meet in life. As everyone has a battle to fight!” Plato

    JazakAllah Khayran sister for this.

    Made my day, knowing we still have strong and courageous women in the Ummah – Ma Sha Allah!

    Like

  2. Assalamualaykum sis
    Happy belated stomaversary 🎂🎂🎂🎂
    Jus read ur post n i luv luv it.
    Ur posts keep getting better n better Mashaa’Allah. Ive made a mental note in my head to go back to it when life gets tough n I need to be strong. U are such a inspiration Mashaa’Allah 💙
    Hope u are well n rember me in ur duas
    Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • WaAlaykum asSalam my beautiful sis,
      Thank you ❤️ I’m glad you like it and find it helpful! I just muddle along best as I can, it’s people like you who inspire me everyday. Thank you for your lovely words and for being there for me. 🙂 we need to catch up soon inshaAllah.
      Lots of love and duas xxx

      Like

  3. This post brought me to tears. Not only beautifully written, as always, not only insightful and reflective, as always, but hard-hitting about the things we think should happen in life, want to happen in life, get down when they don’t happen, when the truth is, we shouldn t be waiting for any particular time, but being grateful for what we have in the here and now, and not think we have an automatic entitlement to xyz thing.
    Jazaakillah khayran katheera fiddunya wal aakhirah bi ghayri hisaab, ameen.

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  4. Mabrok sister,I love your contentment to Allah SWT your bravery.There is tears and joy about you.It teaches me to look up and say Alhamdulillah ala kullu halin.

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  5. Maa sha Allah, you are so so strong sister. May Allah give you more strength for everything that (maybe) has yet to come in your life. For the last 5-6 years, Allah has been testing me constantly, not necessarily health wise but more on (familial) relationships. But alhamdulillah, once I understood that all of these things made me come closer to Allah, I began thanking Him (swt) for making me go through all of it instead of complaining.

    I wish the best for you, stay positive as you are! What helped me most was the hadith where our Prophet (sallallahu aleyhi wasallam) says: “For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn – Allah removes some of his sins.”

    I admire your courage and positivity sister. Wassalaam.

    Like

    • Ameeeeeen to your Duas! JazakAllah khairan 💞 this is why I know I made the right choice when I started the blog, I’ve come across some incredible people such as yourself who remind me of Allah and inspiring me. Alhamdulillah.
      The Hadith is beautiful mashaAllah. It’s one my uncle would always remind me about. And to build my connection with Allah. Naturally, we tend to beseech Him when we’re suffering. Such great blessings to be found in our hardships. Alhamdulillah.

      Liked by 1 person

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