It’s been a while… 

Assalamualaykum/hello readers! 
It’s high time this blog was resurrected from the murky backwaters of the Internet and given a new lease of life.. I know, I know. Many of you have asked when the next post will be up and if slacking was an Olympic sport, I would’ve achieved Gold long ago. 
If truth be told, my mental and physical health hasn’t been great. Then there were other issues to deal with which left me stressed, shattered and er.. In hospital. Despite me telling myself that I was going to be as chilled as can be and not let anything worry me! The best laid plans and all that.. 

(Btw, if you’re new to the blog, please check out About Me here 🙂 thanks) 

But moving on.. I’ve had some wonderful opportunities come my way in these few months. All will be revealed soon! 

I’d like to draw a line under the negative events of the past few months and make a new start here. So. *deep breath* 

Here are some of the things I’ve been up to:

I’ve had an article published in Al-Mumin magazine! The lovely people at Al-Mumin even published a few pertinent and important questions and answers about living with an Ostomy. This is HUGE. I’ve been trying so hard to raise more awareness in the Muslim community, trying to show that ostomies are normal and us Ostomates are pretty awesome! It’s been a slow journey and to have this published is pretty incredible as the magazine has a reach of thousands, all over the world. Feeling slightly overwhelmed here. I feel it’s gone a long way to removing the stigma associated with have an ostomy. Of course, there’s still work to do but this is an important step. 

Secondly, I was contacted by the wonderful colorectal nurses at City Hospital, Birmingham. They were arranging a Stoma Care event at West Bromwich Albion football club and wanted little old moi to do a talk. I’ll admit I was shocked (in a good way!) and VERY excited! It went really well. I was buzzing from the high it gave me. Not being able to see the audience did kind of help though 😉 

I met the lovely Helen from Convatec after the event and we had a chat.. But I’m not going to say too much about that at the moment! Suffice to say that the future is looking VERY exciting inshaAllah. 
Of course, it isn’t all sunshine and roses. I still struggle with anxiety, horrible thoughts, struggle to meet people and even text my friends but I’m aiming to work on that inshaAllah. Please remember me in your Duas. 
That’s actually one of the reasons I haven’t blogged in so long – my brain feels as though it’s been sleeping. I’m not sure if that’s a side effect of the pills I’m on. Whatever it is, the fog seems to be lifting Alhamdulillah and I feel ready to start setting some goals. Probably not resolutions as they’re hardly ever kept! 

Rosie, my beautiful ileostomy, is quite well. Trumping away merrily as usual. Changing my bag has become a bit of a struggle as my eyesight weakens further. However, it won’t beat me inshaAllah! I’m determined to do things for myself for as long as I can. 

On that note, my mobility training has been going exceptionally well Alhamdulillah! I’ve passed indoor training with flying colours (different cane techniques, going up and down the stairs, entering a room, locating door handles etc) and we’ve progressed to outdoor training. In fact, we took a trip into town a couple of days before Christmas and I was super confident! I seem to have lost some of that confidence what with being unwell and not going out recently but I’m sure I’ll be back to where I was soon inshaAlllah. Of course, it helps that I have the best mobility training officer who treated us to a lovely coffee the last time we went out. My next appointment is booked for next week and I’m really looking forward to it. It feels so good to be able to confidently navigate my way through the city alhamdulillah. 

I’ve had to resort to asking my mum to wash my hair again as the fatigue has been terrible. This time round, I’m grateful that I have such a wonderful mother and I don’t want to dwell on how useless it can make me feel. InshaAllah I can build some strength up soon. 

I haven’t written much about how I feel emotionally but that’s because the inside of my head feels like a mess. It’s very foggy in there. I’ve been listening to more Qur’an lately and that’s helped Alhamdulillah. InshaAllah the next blog will make more sense! 

Do let me know what you think in the comments below and as always, pop over to Facebook for more frequent updates! I’ve really missed interacting with you all. A huge thank you to everyone who messaged and emailed to check how I’m doing, it means a lot. ❤ 

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Finding My Way – Part One

Assalamualaykum/hello readers! In this new series titled ‘Finding My Way’, I’ll be writing about my mobility training sessions in detail to give an idea of what it’s like for me, being visually impaired, to learn how to use a cane and acquire new skills. I hope you enjoy the series. I welcome all questions, comments and feedback so do get in touch once you’ve finished reading 🙂 

(If you’re new to the blog, please check out About Me here. Thanks.) 

10:00 am 
I’m sitting here waiting for Michelle (The mobility training officer) to arrive. She’s just called a while ago to say that she’s running a bit late. I’m scared to feel this much anticipation but can you blame me?! It’s been so long since I was put on the waiting list to receive mobility training! So there’s a mix of excitement, nerves, happiness and possibly a little trepidation. Things haven’t been going too well lately and I’ve had my hopes dashed before. But I’m reminding myself that I need to trust the Almighty – completely. 
On another note, I’ve actually felt quite positive for the first time in a while! I’ve tried so hard to find the positivity these few months but it just wasn’t coming. For the longest time, I couldn’t understand it. I’ve never struggled like this before. Then I realised that this is also a test and I must be patient. Even if I don’t yet understand. It made it a bit easier to bear. 
But alhamdulillah it returned yesterday morning! It felt FANTASTIC! My smile feels real again. The world seems like a much brighter place. 

Now onwards and upwards inshaAllah. I’m not silly.. I know that I’m going to have good days and bad days. But now that I’ve had a taste of a good day again, I’m going to savour the sweetness. 
11:08 am 

Well, I can say that that was a successful first session! Alhamdulillah. I met the lovely Michelle. We had a long chat about my level of vision at the moment. I described it using visual aids such as the ones I used in this blog post

We both think Alex Garant is a wonderful artist! Here’s some of her work: (To see more, please visit http://www.alexgarant.com

  
It’s incredible how accurately this represents keratoconus vision. Although I must say it’s been a few years since my vision was this good! 

Michelle explained that there’s no time limit on training – it takes as long as it takes, which is reassuring. We’ll be covering different cane techniques, how to travel safely on buses and generally be more independent. 
We then went out (after Michelle made lots of notes in her diary!) so my cane skills could be assessed. The   one I’m using at the moment is called a guide cane and has a pencil tip. 

 

A guide cane

 (image from http://www.rnib.org.uk
I did tell her that I’ve learnt my skills from YouTube – it’s not the recommended way but I’d been waiting a while so I thought I’d help myself out. Apparently I’ve done well although there’s room for improvement. That was to be expected lol!
We stopped after a few minutes and I was asked to describe what I could see in front of me. The answer – not much lol. I can see colours and I know there were some trees but it all faded out after about 5 metres and I had no idea there was a lamppost there. 

After walking two blocks, we stood on a quiet street and I was asked if I could work out which direction the cars are coming from and which way they’re going. That’s when all traffic died away. Lol we must’ve waited for ages! It did make it easier to hear the few cars that passed. I’m pleased to announce that my hearing passed muster! All present and correct. Which is great to know, of course. 😛
We got back to the house and made an appointment for the next session – tomorrow! I’ll be going to the low vision centre and will practice using a long cane. I’ll learn some new techniques which will go a long way towards helping me become more independent inshaAllah. 
Good things definitely come to those who wait 🙂 

I hope you enjoy reading this series and if you have any questions, please just ask! I can be reached through email at gutlessninja@hotmail.com and do follow me on Facebook and Instagram

Until next time!